Enjoying the Day!

Enjoying the Day!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

A week ago I commuted to Los Angeles and just before getting on the entrance ramp to the freeway I noticed a woman wearing a backpack, walking with haste and purpose to the other side of the roadway. She appeared to be talking to herself. Correction: she was yelling and screaming. The light was red and all I could do was watch the event play out. I was captivated by this. I observed the woman walk up to some landscaped dirt mound and start kicking it. Then she spun around picked up a few rocks and threw it at the mound before facing my car and bending over in more fits of screaming. This person was not experiencing a joyful day. I will never know what was going on, but it caused me think about the reality of pursing happiness.

Every day a barrage of events come flying at us. It’s out of control sometimes, isn’t it? By the end of one day you are in a quandary as to how you are going to make it through the next, but when Friday comes (Whoo-hoo!) it’s party time! When party time turns into constant escapism, is that really a “good” time? You may look happy, joyful and full of life on the outside, but what is going on internally? Enjoying the day every day means discovering your own vitality and value in each moment despite what anyone else is saying or doing.

With that in mind, I want to talk about how to make a better day on purpose. I know people who live their lives in misery. They are negative, conspiracy theory oriented, with nothing good to say and as a result do not appear to be happy in their circumstance…ever. I believe that living a happy and healthy life is as much purposeful as it is by luck or chance. Other people contribute to that happiness, but do not necessarily make us happy. It’s a choice. When people talk about happiness, finding peace, being joyful, what are they really talking about and what does that mean in the face of adversity? Let’s break it down a bit.

Happiness: We live in a country that documents our freedom to pursue happiness. It does not guarantee it, but allows us the right. This means we have to choose it, work on it and create that happiness. We also need to be responsible in how we go about creating said happiness. When your happiness is at the expense of others, is that really happiness? If your happiness is destructive to you, your loved ones and others, is that truly happiness? When true happiness is discovered from within and illuminates outward, other people benefit, too. Happiness is contagious.

Peace: In my opinion, achieving a sense of peace results from working on remaining calm, cool and collected while also addressing realism balanced with acceptance and understanding. It is a conscious effort on our part to pave a pathway to contentment. When you are comfortable right where you are, you have a stronger sense of yourself and are more settled in the idea of being comfortable in your own skin. Peace lies in the actions for which you use to cultivate it.

Joy: When I think of joy I think of a combination of peace and happiness fully expressed outwardly in physicality such as smiling, laughing and slightly bubbling over with such qualities mentioned above. We feel radiant and glowing and illuminated. Just like the song says, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Joy is an outward experience of your level of happiness and peace.

One of my favorite authors (Thich Nhat Hanh) writes often on these subjects and it’s clear that he understands and simply reveals how happiness, peace and joy are elements in our lives that we work on and constantly create. Not often are they provided to us on a silver platter. These little gems are cultivated within us. Maybe part of achieving them revolves around the idea of not taking everything too seriously and being mindful of all things. Another easier said than done philosophy, but the more effort we put into trying, the easier it gets. It takes practice. And Thich Nhat Hanh addresses this important fact within the first five minutes of his meditation entitled Awakening to Your Joy found on YouTube.¹ I highly recommend watching the video if you have time. It’s about 47 minutes long. Read his books to gain better insight to finding your happy, peaceful and joyful life.

Finally, while there is so much more to say on the subject, when you incorporate happiness, peacefulness and joyfulness as part of a total equation the solution sums up these elements to form many wonders of life. These are available to us right here and now (the present moment), which is the only thing we can ever be sure of.

Here’s a final question. Would you rather find a little enjoyment now or wait until you think you’ve found a reason for it?

My answer?

Enjoy the day now. Why wait?

Cheers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0FWFp3WmZY¹ (Viewed 6/21/2015)


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Interpretation and Misinterpretation!

Interpretation and Misinterpretation!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

This morning I read a friends posting on the internet which said, “My heart is a ghost town.”

I immediately typed a comment back with a message saying, “That is because you are so full of spirit!” The return comment quickly informed me that My Heart is a Ghost Town was a new song by Adam Lambert. I had no idea. I guess I was out of the loop!

In any case, my little joke never made an impact, which led me to contemplate the nature of human communication and how things are often interpreted differently between individuals. To keep ourselves uplifted from day to day it pays to make sure we understand exactly what each other is saying, as well as the context for which it is said, especially if we are communicating via social media or anything other than face to face discussion. Because if you don’t think about all the facets of where someone is coming from or what they are referring to it may lead to hurt feelings, some distancing and misunderstandings. Personally, I know what it feels like to be misunderstood or have my words or actions taken out of context or completely turned into something negative. I have lost friends over it, never to be heard from again. It can also cause unnecessary problems causing long term damage, especially if people are secretive or non-disclosing of information. You need the rest of the story.  Otherwise, it can be disturbing and perplexing.

It falls on the shoulders of all parties involved to consider every angle, communicate well and to remember who you’re talking to. If it’s a good friend, ask yourself what they meant, their intentions and are they keeping your best interests at heart. I think it’s important to remind ourselves of their good nature and how they most likely would not deliberately try to hurt us.

Communication needs to begin the moment you feel insulted, hesitant or uncertain of what is going on. I know family members who have held grudges and refused to speak to each other for years. In the end, they cannot even remember why they were mad with each other to begin with. All they know is that someone said or did something which the other interpreted as harmful. Mind you, there are many situations where people really do hurt one another, but under normal circumstances maybe this isn’t the case.

The idea of interpretation and misinterpretation doesn’t necessary apply only to these kinds of situations. It can also happen at work, in public or everywhere for any given scenario. Many times it can be humorous. Commercials are really good at playing up on these types of misunderstandings. One that comes to mind is a scene where a genie makes an appearance and offers a man a wish. He wishes for a million bucks. Poof! There are a million male deer all over the place (i.e. a million bucks). We can laugh at that, but what would happen if that really took place. A big mess!

How many times have you misunderstood a job task you were asked to do at work because the instructions were vague?  The boss assumed you knew what they were referring to. Then the job had to be redone and the energy at work becomes diminished and heated.

Ever play that game called Telephone? You know, where people sit in a circle and one person tells a story into the next person’s ear and then they repeat it the same way until everyone has whispered the story. It falls on the last person to repeat the story they heard out loud to see how different the story ended compared to how it began. The result is usually different and wildly funny. 

What a great example of how information can be interpreted and misinterpreted. It speaks to the idea of active listening. It also applies to the written word depending on context, general or cultural backgrounds, as well as what an individual might be attending to. Here’s an example. When I say the word TOUCHDOWN what do you think of? Does your answer have to do with scoring points at a football game? But what if I was referring to a plane safely landing? See the difference? Communication helps render understanding and clarify where the conversation is going, what you mean and what is going on. What happens beyond that is another story.

In the end, everyone feels better when we understand each other and communicate well. Clarify, repeat, paraphrase and asking questions are ways to improve our communication. In this day and age, keeping life on the upswing and everyone on a positive note means finding some sense of understanding in our lives together. It’s something to think about, especially in light of all the related chaos going on in the news lately. 

With that in mind, here’s to a great rest of the week and to better understanding!

And remember, never assume anything, because why? 

It makes an Ass out of you AND me. (Ass-u-me)

Need I say more?

Cheers!


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The Element of Surprise!

The Element of Surprise!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Picture this:

You have just completed a long work day. You are tired and ready to go home, grab a beer out of the fridge and prop your feet up on the coffee table after plopping down on the sofa.  Ah, peace and quiet is only moments away!

You pull into the driveway, get out of the car, open the front door and round the corner toward the kitchen when suddenly you are met with a lot of people screaming, "Surprise!”  You nearly jump out of your skin!

Oh, did I forget to tell you? It’s your birthday.

Some people like surprises, others do not. And, for good reason, because often times the true element of surprise is found within the initial surprise.

For example, Cameron Diaz’s character in the movie Married in Vegas throws a surprise birthday party for her fiancé. However, when he walks in, the surprise is on her. He dumps her and breaks off the engagement right then and there in front of everyone. Ruh-Roh!

Surprises generally are meant for fun and good times. At least that’s what I would like to think. But how many times do we face the unexpected which literally “takes us by surprise” and sends us down a path towards negativity and/or negative consequences?

Surprise! You’re laid off!

Surprise! We are pregnant.

Surprise! I just rear ended you at the stop light and then took off!

Surprise! We’re sleeping together. You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow.

The element of surprise is usually unexpected, but I prefer to imagine it solely in good terms like when you receive a compliment or someone says something nice to you about how much they appreciate you. Although these types of surprises seem few and far between, I am still reminded of the powerful impact a pleasant surprise can have in lighting up our day and turning our frowns into smiles.

When you’re having “one of those days,” try using the imagination to create scenarios that don’t ordinarily happen, yet you can picture them happening and stimulate some internal laughter or lift your spirit and break the tension associated with those negative encounters. Please keep in mind these examples are imagination games. I’m not suggesting you actually act out on some of these.

Picture it.

• Without warning and for no apparent reason you walk up to a stranger and slap them. I’ve actually     pictured myself running up behind someone and slapping them on the hind-end and then running away. Just thinking about it and the possible reaction causes me to laugh. I would never do this off the cuff, but the idea shakes away any tension.  (Now tell me you never thought of that one!)
• Placing the old “Kick Me” sign on someone’s back and watching what happens.
• Imagining people in their underwear or even naked.
• Winning an award and receiving it in front of a crowd.
• Receiving compliments.
• Finding $20 in your pants after you’ve removed them from the dryer.
• Awarded a promotion and a raise.
• Someone delivers you an unexpected invitation (dinner, party, etc).
• A singing telegram arrives and it’s for you AND it turns into a Strip tease. 

There is commercial where a woman walks through the front door of her home and finds another woman in high heels and black lingerie tickling her husband with a feather boa in the middle of their living room. Surprise!

Her response; She called her attorney using a specialized phone app. I have to admit it made me laugh, but more importantly, I find it speaks on how we choose to respond to a situation: good, bad or ugly.

My personal thought focuses on expecting the unexpected and finding the wonder in that. It never hurts to feel special and be acknowledged. Everyone could use a spark of excitement in our lives by walking in on a good surprise.  However, when the surprise makes us feel less than ourselves and about 2 inches tall, then picturing how to turn the negative into a positive can be quite the healing step to take. In some cases, the element of surprise can serve as a means of learning or even survival by keeping us on our toes. Interestingly, another word similar in meaning is the word ‘revelation’.

In closing, I hope most true surprises are good ones, but if not, find a way to make it good.

And, in case you were wondering, the element of surprise is not found on the Periodic Table!

Are you surprised?

Cheers!

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Magic in Music!

Magic in Music!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Music is magical.

Music is its own universal language.

The beauty of music is in how it appeals to the masses providing a wide variety of genres to choose from while giving us entertainment, appealing to our emotional bloodstreams and taking us to new places right where we are. The wonder of music is in its poetry, creativity, human expression and its ability to touch a chord within our souls. It makes us feel good, happy, sad, and contemplative, especially in considering important topics. We love to move and groove to it on the dance floor to forget our troubles. Music is a strong positive not to be ignored.

In the middle of our chaos we can find comfort in turning on our favorite radio station and humming along; or, playing a CD! How can we not talk about the importance of music as a means of eliminating any negative bug-a-boos?

Just how important is music to humanity? Let’s take a moment to think about it, because I believe it plays an important role in our health and well being.

What about working out? How many people listen to energizing music to exercise? Choosing the right music can help you reach performance goals and illicit a satisfying workout in the end. ¹

In education, music can help with hand eye coordination and the ability to learn more in other subject categories improving test scores, enhancing IQ levels and in language development.²

Music has the power to heal, as well, especially if it has pro-social lyrics which help elevate an attitude of servitude and a sense of empathy.³

These are just a few examples of how music impacts lives in a dynamic and positive way.

For me, music brings in a message or builds up energy and a strong sense of self. It helps us express what we have a hard time saying or discover things about ourselves we have trouble putting a finger on.

I remember listening to music as a means of relaxing into sleep. I found calm selections that softly resonated within me which lulled me into la-la-land. Babies do the same when someone sings them a lullaby and rocks them back and forth. I used to call this (and still do) listening to my “sweet” music. It would help ease my active mind of rapid fire thoughts of this and that, instilling a sense of peacefulness and serenity.

Music inspires many positive objectives into fruition.

I guess one way to describe it is in how it mirrors our lives, our stories, our cultural backgrounds and histories. It builds meaning and provides sustenance, as well as substance into our daily lives.

Of course, there are genres that generally play on the negative, but the wonder of music as with anything else in life is that individually we have a choice and preference for what we like or don’t like. If you feel like you are listening to depressing music, change the station or turn it off. Find something more uplifting to play. Fill your ears, mind, heart, soul and spirit with more of the good.

In conclusion, music is a wondrous thing. It is powerful. For me, I always come back to music as a way to feel good or as a sign that I am feeling good. If I am humming or singing along, all is well within my soul. When I see how others respond to music of any kind, I can see clearly how it aides us in feeling good about our lives on a daily basis. It indeed is a universal language in a world gone global.

So go out there and get your groove on, listen to your chosen “sweet music” and sing a song!

And…feel good!

Cheers!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychology-workout-music¹ (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/music-arts/the-benefits-of-music-education² (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brick-brick/201402/does-music-have-healing-powers³ (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

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Laugh It Off!

Laugh It Off!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

The sign read, “I’d rather be laughing.” My first and immediate reaction was how I couldn’t agree more.

Earlier this year I wrote about Yoga Laughter as a means of opening up to a positive environment. This week I want to expand on the idea of the importance of a little laughter in our lives. Can’t get enough of it! And, sometimes, it serves as a Godsend during a trying time. In fact, the last couple of days have put me in a place to deal with some emotional drama which decided to rear its ugly face. Things happen! When they do, I feel them. It’s only human to do so. I allow myself to feel those emotions and then I search for ways to release the negatives.

If I don’t find a way to release the negatives, then I can be bound by them in such a way as to not accomplish anything, which bugs me even more. I like knowing I am working toward a purpose and achieving some accomplishments. It’s also about self-preservation.

Needless-too-say, having an emotional day or two and working on finding solutions to a problem comes back to a little laughter. Even some of the best dramatic scenarios in movies are best played out by using humor to release tension so everyone can catch a breath.

I would like to share how I moved through the emotion to release the negatives. After being overcome by the situation, I experienced it, brought awareness into it and embraced it for what it was in the moment. Emotions come and go, so I can rely on getting beyond temporary soon enough. No need to wallow for too long, sit deeply into sadness or practice any “Whoa is me.”

I got off my hind-end and took a little drive to see the world around me without engaging in it. I spoke to a friend and confidant on the phone, which is always good. Then I got my silly on by dividing my beard in half and then again into two sets of three one on the left and one on the right. I proceeded to braid each side to see what it would look like. After I finished doing this, I looked in the mirror and burst out laughing. I was so amused by it that I took a selfie and posted in on social media calling it my Pippi-Beard-Stocking. Yes, I needed the laugh. And, it made a difference. Resilience is something that can be nurtured and this experience is an example of its progression.

So that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Ultimately, this illustration of my personal story demonstrates how humor and/or laughter can enhance the positive and neutralizes the negative.¹ There are also many physical, emotional, cognitive and social benefits such as reducing pain, stress anxiety and depression while increasing creativity, memory and relaxation.¹ & ²

On that note, I recently watched a video documentary about some traditions in Varanasi, India.³ One early morning ritual was to get up, go out near the river and practice yoga, stretching and breathing exercises before the day officially began. At the end of the session the people would let out several deep guttural laughs at the sun, as if they were laughing in the face of the sun and at all potential adversity. I liked that. Made sense to me. 

In conclusion, I believe it’s great to laugh. I love hearing it; experiencing it and watching others do it, too. Let’s call it a positive phenomenon that needs no explanation, but does occasionally need some encouragement. Consider this a little reminder. Don’t forget to laugh a little.

And, don’t hesitate to pass it on!

Share a funny moment.

Tell a joke.

Shake it off by laughing it off.

Let the belly roll!

Check out the articles and video footnoted below for more information.

Cheers!

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/humor/benefits-humor¹ (Viewed 6/10/2015)

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter²(Viewed 6/10/2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thz3c6vBaEY³(Viewed 6/21/2015)


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Show of Appreciation – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #4

Show of Appreciation – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #4

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Most of this month I’ve devoted my blog to the idea of initiating challenges. Today is the final one before moving into the hot and heavy month of August. This week’s topic refers to seeing the good in others, which you might as well as say, includes you. More aptly, I want to talk about taking time to notice value within our lives.

It’s nice to be noticed, recognized, acknowledged, accepted, embraced, wanted and appreciated. Don’t you think so? It’s not necessarily about phishing for validation. It is validation, as well as validating.

In my opinion, the health benefits are numerous, because everything mentioned above is associated with a positive-specific action and/or feeling. When people actively and genuinely demonstrate such things toward themselves and others, they are initiating a positive response system and cause good feelings to precipitate. There is nothing like a great compliment or a vote of confidence to encourage the best in someone. Yet, as often as not, such things are not put to good use. In fact, I think people forget about such activities until suddenly out of nowhere we receive a kind word. Maybe this is because it’s become something of an anomaly or seen as nothing more than phishing for a compliment, brown nosing or being nice just to get something. However, thinking in these terms serve only to bury us deeper into the negative response system such as becoming too cynical, bitter or sarcastic, which can make an indelible negative impact. (Check out the article I found on why people don’t acknowledge each other.)¹

Opening up to the possibilities and trusting the good in others can transform our perspective.

For example, I recently got a message from someone who recognized me while watching television. I thought it was nice that someone took a moment to share that information on their news-feed which prompted another person to chime in and enhance the good feeling with an additional comment on how good and nice I was. This came out of left field to me. In any case, I was reminded of this a couple of days later when I checked my email to find a note forwarded to me from a group of students expressing gratitude and appreciation for the work several of us do toward helping them learn, grow and become better at their vocation. After receiving this note I began considering the importance of spreading good vibes.

Not long ago (before these two messages) I made a point to send out a few cards to those persons whom I considered important to me. People who’ve been a presence in my life for a long time. I thought it important to share with them how much I appreciated them. I wrote, “I am sending you this card if  for no other reason than to say ‘Thank You’ for being an important part of my life.”

On hindsight, it figures that by my sending out a few of these cards the universe returned the same kindness to me via the aforementioned messages.

With this in mind, I present to you the last in this series of challenges. Take time to make time and offer up a show of appreciation to someone every day this week, whether its co-workers, friends, family members or an individual you barely know or only see on occasion. Present compliments, encouragements, or a thank you with a simple note expressing your true thoughts and/or feelings.  Don’t be afraid to present a well deserved “atta-boy” or pat on the back to let somebody see your vote of confidence in them. They probably worked hard to deserve it. 

Not everything in life is a competition. Sometimes people just need and/or deserve a kind word to help them stay on track, keep pursuing a goal and help in achieving some level of success. Their success is our success.

Now go out there and get to it!

Ready, set….GO!

Cheers!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201301/why-people-dont-acknowledge-you¹ (Viewed 6/8/2015)


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Reaching Out – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #3

Reaching Out!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

The older you get the faster life passes you by. Suddenly, you’re asking yourself things like, “Where did the time go?” or “Can you believe this year is almost over already?” Usually, this is when you realize that everything you want to do or need to do is not necessarily getting done, at least not as fast as you thought it would get done. The “To Do” list is as long as it was when you first put it together, because you keep adding to it every day. Since I already discussed keeping up with tasks, goals and accomplishments in a previous blog, what I want to discuss today are important things getting left behind such as keeping in touch with family, friends and loved ones of all types.

For me, I don’t get around to calling family members as much as I could. On the one hand, they don’t get around to calling me either. Be that as it may, my good intentions for checking in on them fall a bit short of the glory, if you will. I’m better at sending out a card every once in a while. I don’t even e-mail, text or do the social media communications as well as I could.

The same goes for old and new friends alike. Sometimes you are in touch every day with new found friendships and then things change a little and suddenly you’re adrift. Of course, there are many reasons why this happens. My point is, we are capable of finding ways to keep the lines of communication open and express interest in the lives of others for which we value and appreciate.

I will be the first to say that life is not a one way street. It takes two to tango, as they say. However, there is a difference between deciding to stay in touch when you remember and feel interested in doing so and just sitting there thinking, “Well, they have my number they can pick up the phone and call me just as easily.” That kind of thinking accomplishes nothing. It also establishes the potential for negative feelings and negative energy between all parties. Before you know it, years go by.

Ultimately, when I make that phone call, send a card, e-mail or letter I generally feel good, happier and more positive about the relationship(s) and myself. So, again, the focus is putting a positive swing on things. We don’t always know what is going on with others or why time goes by without hearing from them, but we do understand what is going on with ourselves and can make stronger effort to remember others by finding ways to show them how important they are to us. That means making time and taking a second to make it happen when we think about it.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve initiated some “On a Positive Note” Challenges. I’m continuing the challenge sequence this week with Challenge number 3.

Take time to make a list of people you need to or would like to get in touch with. Start with family members. Make a separate list of people you have fallen out of touch with but would like to say hello to and find out what is going on in their lives. Once you have the lists put together, reach out. On a break, write a card, note, e-mail, text or social media message to those individuals. Let them know you were thinking of them and would love to hear back from them. If you want to make a phone call but are afraid of being on the phone longer than you can afford, start the conversation by letting them know you were thinking of them and only have a couple minutes to spare for a quick hello. Think of asking what their schedule is and make a date for a longer conversation or, if they live in the region, see about getting together for coffee or lunch. Then politely wish them a good day before ending the conversation. In that way you can make it short, sweet and still make some time for them right now.

What I have discovered is people love being remembered and feel appreciated no matter what the situation is, especially if you approach the communication in a positive and appropriate manner. Participating and engaging in others lives is an investment which leaves an indelible mark on those who may need it most. And, if you think about it, how often are you happier when others take a moment to reach out to you when you least expect it?

Challenge yourself this week to get in touch with someone every day and see how it makes you feel!

Have a great week and enjoy!

Cheers!

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