Show of Appreciation – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #4

Show of Appreciation – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #4

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Most of this month I’ve devoted my blog to the idea of initiating challenges. Today is the final one before moving into the hot and heavy month of August. This week’s topic refers to seeing the good in others, which you might as well as say, includes you. More aptly, I want to talk about taking time to notice value within our lives.

It’s nice to be noticed, recognized, acknowledged, accepted, embraced, wanted and appreciated. Don’t you think so? It’s not necessarily about phishing for validation. It is validation, as well as validating.

In my opinion, the health benefits are numerous, because everything mentioned above is associated with a positive-specific action and/or feeling. When people actively and genuinely demonstrate such things toward themselves and others, they are initiating a positive response system and cause good feelings to precipitate. There is nothing like a great compliment or a vote of confidence to encourage the best in someone. Yet, as often as not, such things are not put to good use. In fact, I think people forget about such activities until suddenly out of nowhere we receive a kind word. Maybe this is because it’s become something of an anomaly or seen as nothing more than phishing for a compliment, brown nosing or being nice just to get something. However, thinking in these terms serve only to bury us deeper into the negative response system such as becoming too cynical, bitter or sarcastic, which can make an indelible negative impact. (Check out the article I found on why people don’t acknowledge each other.)¹

Opening up to the possibilities and trusting the good in others can transform our perspective.

For example, I recently got a message from someone who recognized me while watching television. I thought it was nice that someone took a moment to share that information on their news-feed which prompted another person to chime in and enhance the good feeling with an additional comment on how good and nice I was. This came out of left field to me. In any case, I was reminded of this a couple of days later when I checked my email to find a note forwarded to me from a group of students expressing gratitude and appreciation for the work several of us do toward helping them learn, grow and become better at their vocation. After receiving this note I began considering the importance of spreading good vibes.

Not long ago (before these two messages) I made a point to send out a few cards to those persons whom I considered important to me. People who’ve been a presence in my life for a long time. I thought it important to share with them how much I appreciated them. I wrote, “I am sending you this card if  for no other reason than to say ‘Thank You’ for being an important part of my life.”

On hindsight, it figures that by my sending out a few of these cards the universe returned the same kindness to me via the aforementioned messages.

With this in mind, I present to you the last in this series of challenges. Take time to make time and offer up a show of appreciation to someone every day this week, whether its co-workers, friends, family members or an individual you barely know or only see on occasion. Present compliments, encouragements, or a thank you with a simple note expressing your true thoughts and/or feelings.  Don’t be afraid to present a well deserved “atta-boy” or pat on the back to let somebody see your vote of confidence in them. They probably worked hard to deserve it. 

Not everything in life is a competition. Sometimes people just need and/or deserve a kind word to help them stay on track, keep pursuing a goal and help in achieving some level of success. Their success is our success.

Now go out there and get to it!

Ready, set….GO!

Cheers!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201301/why-people-dont-acknowledge-you¹ (Viewed 6/8/2015)


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Reaching Out – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #3

Reaching Out!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

The older you get the faster life passes you by. Suddenly, you’re asking yourself things like, “Where did the time go?” or “Can you believe this year is almost over already?” Usually, this is when you realize that everything you want to do or need to do is not necessarily getting done, at least not as fast as you thought it would get done. The “To Do” list is as long as it was when you first put it together, because you keep adding to it every day. Since I already discussed keeping up with tasks, goals and accomplishments in a previous blog, what I want to discuss today are important things getting left behind such as keeping in touch with family, friends and loved ones of all types.

For me, I don’t get around to calling family members as much as I could. On the one hand, they don’t get around to calling me either. Be that as it may, my good intentions for checking in on them fall a bit short of the glory, if you will. I’m better at sending out a card every once in a while. I don’t even e-mail, text or do the social media communications as well as I could.

The same goes for old and new friends alike. Sometimes you are in touch every day with new found friendships and then things change a little and suddenly you’re adrift. Of course, there are many reasons why this happens. My point is, we are capable of finding ways to keep the lines of communication open and express interest in the lives of others for which we value and appreciate.

I will be the first to say that life is not a one way street. It takes two to tango, as they say. However, there is a difference between deciding to stay in touch when you remember and feel interested in doing so and just sitting there thinking, “Well, they have my number they can pick up the phone and call me just as easily.” That kind of thinking accomplishes nothing. It also establishes the potential for negative feelings and negative energy between all parties. Before you know it, years go by.

Ultimately, when I make that phone call, send a card, e-mail or letter I generally feel good, happier and more positive about the relationship(s) and myself. So, again, the focus is putting a positive swing on things. We don’t always know what is going on with others or why time goes by without hearing from them, but we do understand what is going on with ourselves and can make stronger effort to remember others by finding ways to show them how important they are to us. That means making time and taking a second to make it happen when we think about it.

Over the last couple of weeks I’ve initiated some “On a Positive Note” Challenges. I’m continuing the challenge sequence this week with Challenge number 3.

Take time to make a list of people you need to or would like to get in touch with. Start with family members. Make a separate list of people you have fallen out of touch with but would like to say hello to and find out what is going on in their lives. Once you have the lists put together, reach out. On a break, write a card, note, e-mail, text or social media message to those individuals. Let them know you were thinking of them and would love to hear back from them. If you want to make a phone call but are afraid of being on the phone longer than you can afford, start the conversation by letting them know you were thinking of them and only have a couple minutes to spare for a quick hello. Think of asking what their schedule is and make a date for a longer conversation or, if they live in the region, see about getting together for coffee or lunch. Then politely wish them a good day before ending the conversation. In that way you can make it short, sweet and still make some time for them right now.

What I have discovered is people love being remembered and feel appreciated no matter what the situation is, especially if you approach the communication in a positive and appropriate manner. Participating and engaging in others lives is an investment which leaves an indelible mark on those who may need it most. And, if you think about it, how often are you happier when others take a moment to reach out to you when you least expect it?

Challenge yourself this week to get in touch with someone every day and see how it makes you feel!

Have a great week and enjoy!

Cheers!

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Predictability – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #2

Predictability!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Life is dynamic. It is ever changing, like it or not. As a result, human beings have a tendency to enjoy some form of consistency in their lives. We like certain things to be and happen in a definitive way whether it is a favorite meal, going to the same places over and over again or other routine activities. Some people like structure more than others, but everyone has a set of obligations, responsibilities and choices that remain the same day after day, week after week. For example, I have gotten into the habit of getting up in the morning and taking a book, writing paper, pen and heading over to the coffee shop as a daily routine. Paying bills and going to work in a repetitive manner fits into the same behavioral pattern. We get into the practice of this or that for a number of reasons. However, one negative impact is how over time a person can start to feel that habituality as being stuck in a rut or the same-old-same-old. In other words, we become predictable. Some of our predictability is a choice. Can we choose to exercise change? Why not!

How does one feel less hampered by regular activities?

How do we spice it up and energize ourselves in the midst of the ordinary and norm of our existence?

I think one approach is in realizing there are many ways to accomplish a task, as many right ways to do something as there are wrong ways and most importantly, we have options.

For example:

If you are someone who tends to dress the same for work daily because that is what you are used to, told to do or what everyone else is doing, try to find ways to switch it up a bit. Admittedly, this is easier for the ladies, but men can find ways to do it as well even if it means wearing colorful socks and underwear that most people don’t see anyway. Get out of the black, white and grey mode.

Tend to take the same roads to work? Try mapping out a new route every other week. Not only will you do something different, but you’ll see other areas of town you don’t normally visit and might see some place you may want to check out sometime. Change the scenery. Enjoy the view.

Of course, many of us love that old fashioned familiarity where when we appear everyone knows your name, but switching it up means that you experience new opportunities, meet other people and try on other suits of armor, so to speak. If anything, you fortify something within yourself that dares to be a little different once in a while and you’ll have a new story to tell about the time you (fill in the blank).

These are only light illustrations, but I’m sure you get the drift and can evaluate for yourself where you tend to be conventional. Put some variety into your life and be a little less of the expected. Dare to walk the lines of conventionalism, within reason, of course.

Within these thoughts about predictability and spicing things up a bit comes this week’s “On a Positive Note” challenge.

Find ways to be less predictable and give yourself a chance to step out of the mundane and experience an alternative to the daily rituals. Do one thing every day that allows you to step outside the box; outside your comfort zone. At the end of the week, take a moment to think back on what you did differently and ask yourself what you learned and if you enjoyed the variation(s). Did you feel energized or enthused? Did it take away any of the doldrums? Do you feel re-invigorated or challenged? Did you discover anything new or interesting about yourself?

Hopefully, if you take this challenge, the positive take away will be worth the effort of venturing out and giving it the old one-two try. If you like exploring and being adventurous, then this challenge will be a piece of cake. If you tend to be structured and hesitant about stepping off the beaten path, then this may indeed be a challenge. Start small and see how it goes. Maybe, just maybe, you might step it up a little here and there and further enrich your daily experience, and it might be amazing.

Have a great week and enjoy!

Cheers!


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New Insights – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #1

New Insights – “On a Positive Note” Challenge #1

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Today was one of those days when you experience a little of the unexpected. When I say the unexpected, I mean it in a good, humorous and/or enlightened way. It made my day more experiential and powerful or should I say empower-full, which I could not help but share as positive commentary.  Since this blog is all about finding positive insight and looking at life from that perspective, this story is for everyone who would partake of it. Listed below are my observations for the day that made me stop and ponder, respect and have appreciation for certain aspects of my life.

1. I work part-time as a standardized patient at a university that prepares individuals for healthcare oriented jobs as doctors of osteopathy, occupational and physical therapists and more. My job as an actor is to stand in and be a patient or family member in a case study for which students practice skill sets in bedside manner, family approach, how to interview, diagnose, examine and ask all the right questions. This prepares them to be better healthcare workers. It’s amazing the growth opportunity there is here for both the student and the actor. Anyway, at the end of a full day of training, I learned that two of my colleagues both brought a lot to the table in their own personal stories of losing their spouses, which found its way into the case study.  At that moment, I realized I knew very little about either colleague. This provided me an opportunity to value them in an enhanced way. Many times we work with individuals and do not see their human side and fail to recognize them as such. When you finally see them in a different light as a result of something like this, you can’t help but appreciate the human story of how fragile we all are, but more importantly how interconnected we are.

2. Later, I made a stop at a store. I walked up to the counter and found a customer service representative waiting to take my order. When they spoke I was keenly aware of their cartoon like voice. It was all I could do not to speak back in my own cartoon like voice. I found humor in myself and in the observation. This put a positive spin on the day. We need to see other people as they are and gain something from their interaction with us even if it is nothing more than a moment to smile.

3. Finally, I was checking my Twitter feed and saw a name I recognized as a suggested person to follow. It was someone I had not met in person, but I occasionally work with on a virtual level. I looked at their site and discovered they also work in the creative field as a musician/songwriter. I never knew this. I then went to YouTube and found a couple of videos and had a listen. I loved it. This is the second person from that company I found working on the side as a musician and creative artist. Of course, I am now following both of them. So, once again, I started thinking about how we work with people and really know nothing about them outside of the work mode. This seems to be a running theme in my life. Once you learn how these individuals have broader interests and talents you see them in a new way. And, it’s inspiring.

Bottom line for me is this: I love hearing other people’s stories. We all have them; several of them. If we can somehow start to see each other in the various lights we reside in, we can open up the eyes of our minds and hearts to a new point of view which encourages only the best in admiration and gratitude for humanity. Walls come down and commonality is clarified.  There has got to be some good in that.

This week is a chance to take on a challenge to see people in a different light. With this in mind, I’m challenging everyone to discover something new about someone this week. It could be somebody you work with, a friend, acquaintance or anyone you see on a regular basis and yet don’t really know. Take a chance to open up and find a way to appreciate them on a whole new level.

I hope this week gives us all a chance to see another side of humanity and improves a relationship even if it’s unspoken.

Have a great week and Cheers!



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Sabbatical

Sabbatical

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Many years ago I lost a friend to a battle of depression followed by their planned suicide. There was nothing I could do to stop it and I felt set up to fail in some way. As a result, my spirit went spiraling out of control in trying to make sense of it all. I decided to see a therapist to figure it all out. I asked a Gestalt therapist friend of mine for a referral and began spending an hour here and there with David.

For 10 weeks, David and I explored my thoughts and feelings about my life, as well as the recent turn of events. After the tenth week, David told me he wanted to me to get out and get on with my life. He advised me that I was more normal than any patient he ever encountered. He then gave me a small red glass heart and a wooden cross to take with me before telling me to go out there and live my life, have faith in all that is good and to always surround myself with good caring people.

I was dumbfounded. I was getting kicked out of therapy. I had so many more balls to bounce off the wall, so to speak. I hadn’t gotten to a place where I had it all figured out yet. I guess that was his point. I didn’t need to have it all figured out. Nobody does. We go through each day as we are able. Eventually things will make sense, work themselves out or move onward whether we understand them or not.

I believe there is such a thing as peace beyond all or any understanding. In fact, I would dare say there is no such thing as true understanding in various cases. Acceptance and embracing situations may be a better point of view.

In any case, after that experience I decided I needed to take a sabbatical from life. I had to get away from the world as I knew it. So I left New York City and flew to Africa for a month. I took a tent, sleeping bag, backpack and a book by Khalil Gibran. I never felt more alone, frightened, vulnerable and forgotten as I did on that journey. On my departure I could not get a hold of anyone on the phone. While I was away I had zero contact with anyone but myself, my thoughts, God and the Universe. Understandably, this was my personal journey and not meant to include anyone in particular. As a result, I was able to let go of several things find a reason to keep on keeping on while opening the eyes of my heart to a larger world both inside and outside myself.

Every once in a while we need to get away from the world as we know it to find out who we are, explore possibilities, breathe, get back to ourselves and to our peaceful happy place and remember who, whose, what and where we are. Maybe that is the primary reason we focus on taking vacations albeit I think many people take time off, but don't really take a “vacation.”

Too much stress and pressure of living in and through the chaos of rat race agendas can bring us to a point where we want to give up and get out. Maybe that is when we should vacate our lives for a little while, take a real vacation. Rest up, breathe and relax and remember all you value and all your worth.

Try something new and walk the lines of conventional-ism. You might discover you are not as predictable or vulnerable as you originally thought and come out stronger in the long run.

Make some time here and there. Get away. Try things that you haven’t tried before. Vacate, explore and discover. You will learn new things about yourself and others.

Get away from the world as you know it.

The world will still be here when you get back.

Cheers!

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