What Else Could This Be?

What Else Could This Be?

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Years ago I worked with several children’s theatre companies who conducted in classroom workshops following each performance. The kids loved this and were happy to see us up close and personal and receive individualized attention. It’s a humbling experience to see them get all excited to visit with you. Anyway, we would play games and encourage them to remember aspects of the show focusing on learning a message.

One little game we use to play was called “What else could this be?” I loved this game; because it challenged them to think independently, outside of the box, use their creativity and broaden imagination. Sometimes they would get stuck in a narrowed way of thinking and have trouble, but other times they would come up with some great answers proving that everything is important and serves more than one purpose. (I’ll never forget the little boy who took a towel and held it up to his groin showing how that could be his genitals.)

Personally, I think this is a perfect exercise for keeping things on a positive note. It is a great game to help anyone free up any road blocks, obstacles, hurdles and whatnot; anything that weighs us down and prevents us from moving forward.

Here is how What Else Can This Be? works.

Find a focal point or an object and challenge yourself to see it in a different light. Purposefully finding a new way to look at something can open up possibilities that will either attract you toward it in a new way or detract you away from and toward another varied direction. In other words, you find potentiality and/or solutions.

For example, let’s use a dish towel as our object. Ordinarily, a dish towel is seen for exactly that, a towel used in the kitchen while washing dishes. Its purpose is to help you hand dry a dish. Now, ask yourself the question, “What else could this be?” Imagine the possibilities of the dish towel. Think of this flimsy article of material as something other than what it is and/or what would it be if we did not see it specifically as a dish towel? What would your answers be? List them on a piece of paper. A dish towel could also be…what? It helps to physically demonstrate each answer to actualize the possibilities, especially if the exercise is acted out among a group of people. Here are some example ideas.

• A napkin
• A turban
• A loin cloth
• A neck tie
• A rope
• A basket
• A long flowing hair piece
• A bandanna
• A tourniquet
• A blind fold
• A lamp shade
• A scarf

How about that? That is a dozen possibilities out of one object. If we can take this exercise and utilize it as a lesson in problem solving for our own individual and unique circumstances, we could find many possibilities, ways around, out or away from a situation. There are many solutions. And, here’s the kicker, you feel better about yourself and find your way headed for accomplishment, achievement and positive feelings.

Another slightly varied idea is pretending you’re up against a brick wall. What are you going to do? Lean up against and let your body slide down it until you are sitting at its base waiting for something to happen while wallowing in self-pity and misery? Or, are you going to explore the options? What are the possibilities? Can you walk right through the wall? Can you walk around it? Can you dig underneath it? Are you strong enough to climb over it? Leap over it? Catapult over it? Can you take it down brick by brick? Can you knock a hole through it? Is there another route? Do you have a rope that you can throw over and then shimmy up the wall? Can you yell for help and see if someone is on the other side? Maybe there is a magic brick lever that opens a hidden door? How many more ideas are there when you begin to think about it? That wall suddenly is surmountable.

These exercises allow us to consider more than what seems to be the obvious. Maybe the obvious is a temporary illusion to what could be.

What is your brick wall today? What can you do to surpass it, learn from it and find a way beyond it? What can you discover to make the best and/or most of a negative situation until you can turn it around toward a confident solution?

Go ahead. Give it a try. When faced with a moment of adversity ask yourself, “What else could this be?” and see what magic unfolds!

Cheers!


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Little Things!

Little Things!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy, but it does take something. And, I’m certain you’ve heard it before, it’s the little things that mean a lot. They can make a big different in the make or break issues of the day from customer service to working with colleagues, driving in traffic or dining at a restaurant. While there is more than one right way to do things, the messages rings out loud and clear to always be on the lookout for the best way to address a given situation. The possibilities are endless. Here are a couple of personal stories.

For several years, I headed up training in a customer service environment. One of my frequent teachings encouraged representatives to take themselves out of the driver’s seat long enough to reflect on the fact that as individuals they are customers, too. Everyone is. I lead them on a journey of individual personal experiences where they may have not received the best service or care. Once they see themselves reliving those incidents and remembering how they felt, the temptation to be in control of the customer diminishes and it becomes a show of empathy and care for the situation and, moreover, a willingness to help find a way to solve the dilemma on behalf of both the company and the customer. Looking back on it, I think it was just good business foresight to point this out. It takes away the “who’s in charge” issue and becomes a cooperative collaboration. In the end the options open up and better customer service is provided.

Now, from time to time I work at a health care training facility. I help trainees learn various aspects of what they need to know to work with patients. As a patient in this environment, I realize the importance of how small things improve the moment, as well as my comfort level and the potential quality of care. Here are few observations I find important to think about.

• Make eye contact
• Listen attentively
• Smile
• Be courteous
• Do not interrupt
• Be engaged/participate
• Ask all the right questions
• Paraphrase answers to demonstrate you heard correctly
• Explore options
• Show some care
• Be genuinely interested
• Give a nice comment
• Before leaving provide a light appropriate touch

When the healthcare providers entertain any of these ideals they discover more about the patient and their needs, as well as gain their full confidence and cooperation. They can come up with a better plan of action and accurately diagnosis the patients’ ailment. In the same way, this applies to everyday relationships that people encounter. I think even the slightest attempt to create a sense of care changes attitudes and averts problems.

Remember the book by Richard Carlson, PhD titled “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s All Small Stuff”? It speaks to not letting small things get the best of you or drive you bonkers. There is an incredible amount of truth to how we let various things get to us. It may seem big, but maybe it was never quite what you thought it was. My thinking on this focuses on how impressions and communications continue to play a role in what bothers us or how we manipulate others and cause heated encounters of various sorts. We escalate issues and blow things out of proportion and let small things turn in to big things. But here’s the thing: we can turn it around and create a positive understanding.

According to an article in Psychology Today, little things matter more than any grand gesture and this include small notable “gestures, actions or words.”¹

What are some things that help us feel better in everyday situations? Could it be a tiny note, a thank you, an apology, a hug, an “I understand” or “Congratulations, you deserve it!”? How about, “Let me see what I can do” or a simple, “How can I help?”?

I think the little things are mostly about thoughtfulness. Eliminate apathy and suddenly a whole new world opens up. Be on the lookout for those little bits that relieve tension, make you smile ever-so-slightly and warm your heart. You never know, it could help make someone’s day and in turn do the same for you. Talk about bringing about a positive influence, you can’t beat that!

In closing, I’d like to leave you with a classic song sung by Kitty Kallen called…you got it, “Little Things Mean a Lot.” It reiterates some of those little things mentioned herein. Enjoy!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C7SzKv2uLU

Cheers!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201112/little-things-mean-lot¹. (Viewed 6/21/2015)


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Enjoying the Day!

Enjoying the Day!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

A week ago I commuted to Los Angeles and just before getting on the entrance ramp to the freeway I noticed a woman wearing a backpack, walking with haste and purpose to the other side of the roadway. She appeared to be talking to herself. Correction: she was yelling and screaming. The light was red and all I could do was watch the event play out. I was captivated by this. I observed the woman walk up to some landscaped dirt mound and start kicking it. Then she spun around picked up a few rocks and threw it at the mound before facing my car and bending over in more fits of screaming. This person was not experiencing a joyful day. I will never know what was going on, but it caused me think about the reality of pursing happiness.

Every day a barrage of events come flying at us. It’s out of control sometimes, isn’t it? By the end of one day you are in a quandary as to how you are going to make it through the next, but when Friday comes (Whoo-hoo!) it’s party time! When party time turns into constant escapism, is that really a “good” time? You may look happy, joyful and full of life on the outside, but what is going on internally? Enjoying the day every day means discovering your own vitality and value in each moment despite what anyone else is saying or doing.

With that in mind, I want to talk about how to make a better day on purpose. I know people who live their lives in misery. They are negative, conspiracy theory oriented, with nothing good to say and as a result do not appear to be happy in their circumstance…ever. I believe that living a happy and healthy life is as much purposeful as it is by luck or chance. Other people contribute to that happiness, but do not necessarily make us happy. It’s a choice. When people talk about happiness, finding peace, being joyful, what are they really talking about and what does that mean in the face of adversity? Let’s break it down a bit.

Happiness: We live in a country that documents our freedom to pursue happiness. It does not guarantee it, but allows us the right. This means we have to choose it, work on it and create that happiness. We also need to be responsible in how we go about creating said happiness. When your happiness is at the expense of others, is that really happiness? If your happiness is destructive to you, your loved ones and others, is that truly happiness? When true happiness is discovered from within and illuminates outward, other people benefit, too. Happiness is contagious.

Peace: In my opinion, achieving a sense of peace results from working on remaining calm, cool and collected while also addressing realism balanced with acceptance and understanding. It is a conscious effort on our part to pave a pathway to contentment. When you are comfortable right where you are, you have a stronger sense of yourself and are more settled in the idea of being comfortable in your own skin. Peace lies in the actions for which you use to cultivate it.

Joy: When I think of joy I think of a combination of peace and happiness fully expressed outwardly in physicality such as smiling, laughing and slightly bubbling over with such qualities mentioned above. We feel radiant and glowing and illuminated. Just like the song says, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Joy is an outward experience of your level of happiness and peace.

One of my favorite authors (Thich Nhat Hanh) writes often on these subjects and it’s clear that he understands and simply reveals how happiness, peace and joy are elements in our lives that we work on and constantly create. Not often are they provided to us on a silver platter. These little gems are cultivated within us. Maybe part of achieving them revolves around the idea of not taking everything too seriously and being mindful of all things. Another easier said than done philosophy, but the more effort we put into trying, the easier it gets. It takes practice. And Thich Nhat Hanh addresses this important fact within the first five minutes of his meditation entitled Awakening to Your Joy found on YouTube.¹ I highly recommend watching the video if you have time. It’s about 47 minutes long. Read his books to gain better insight to finding your happy, peaceful and joyful life.

Finally, while there is so much more to say on the subject, when you incorporate happiness, peacefulness and joyfulness as part of a total equation the solution sums up these elements to form many wonders of life. These are available to us right here and now (the present moment), which is the only thing we can ever be sure of.

Here’s a final question. Would you rather find a little enjoyment now or wait until you think you’ve found a reason for it?

My answer?

Enjoy the day now. Why wait?

Cheers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0FWFp3WmZY¹ (Viewed 6/21/2015)


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Interpretation and Misinterpretation!

Interpretation and Misinterpretation!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

This morning I read a friends posting on the internet which said, “My heart is a ghost town.”

I immediately typed a comment back with a message saying, “That is because you are so full of spirit!” The return comment quickly informed me that My Heart is a Ghost Town was a new song by Adam Lambert. I had no idea. I guess I was out of the loop!

In any case, my little joke never made an impact, which led me to contemplate the nature of human communication and how things are often interpreted differently between individuals. To keep ourselves uplifted from day to day it pays to make sure we understand exactly what each other is saying, as well as the context for which it is said, especially if we are communicating via social media or anything other than face to face discussion. Because if you don’t think about all the facets of where someone is coming from or what they are referring to it may lead to hurt feelings, some distancing and misunderstandings. Personally, I know what it feels like to be misunderstood or have my words or actions taken out of context or completely turned into something negative. I have lost friends over it, never to be heard from again. It can also cause unnecessary problems causing long term damage, especially if people are secretive or non-disclosing of information. You need the rest of the story.  Otherwise, it can be disturbing and perplexing.

It falls on the shoulders of all parties involved to consider every angle, communicate well and to remember who you’re talking to. If it’s a good friend, ask yourself what they meant, their intentions and are they keeping your best interests at heart. I think it’s important to remind ourselves of their good nature and how they most likely would not deliberately try to hurt us.

Communication needs to begin the moment you feel insulted, hesitant or uncertain of what is going on. I know family members who have held grudges and refused to speak to each other for years. In the end, they cannot even remember why they were mad with each other to begin with. All they know is that someone said or did something which the other interpreted as harmful. Mind you, there are many situations where people really do hurt one another, but under normal circumstances maybe this isn’t the case.

The idea of interpretation and misinterpretation doesn’t necessary apply only to these kinds of situations. It can also happen at work, in public or everywhere for any given scenario. Many times it can be humorous. Commercials are really good at playing up on these types of misunderstandings. One that comes to mind is a scene where a genie makes an appearance and offers a man a wish. He wishes for a million bucks. Poof! There are a million male deer all over the place (i.e. a million bucks). We can laugh at that, but what would happen if that really took place. A big mess!

How many times have you misunderstood a job task you were asked to do at work because the instructions were vague?  The boss assumed you knew what they were referring to. Then the job had to be redone and the energy at work becomes diminished and heated.

Ever play that game called Telephone? You know, where people sit in a circle and one person tells a story into the next person’s ear and then they repeat it the same way until everyone has whispered the story. It falls on the last person to repeat the story they heard out loud to see how different the story ended compared to how it began. The result is usually different and wildly funny. 

What a great example of how information can be interpreted and misinterpreted. It speaks to the idea of active listening. It also applies to the written word depending on context, general or cultural backgrounds, as well as what an individual might be attending to. Here’s an example. When I say the word TOUCHDOWN what do you think of? Does your answer have to do with scoring points at a football game? But what if I was referring to a plane safely landing? See the difference? Communication helps render understanding and clarify where the conversation is going, what you mean and what is going on. What happens beyond that is another story.

In the end, everyone feels better when we understand each other and communicate well. Clarify, repeat, paraphrase and asking questions are ways to improve our communication. In this day and age, keeping life on the upswing and everyone on a positive note means finding some sense of understanding in our lives together. It’s something to think about, especially in light of all the related chaos going on in the news lately. 

With that in mind, here’s to a great rest of the week and to better understanding!

And remember, never assume anything, because why? 

It makes an Ass out of you AND me. (Ass-u-me)

Need I say more?

Cheers!


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The Element of Surprise!

The Element of Surprise!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Picture this:

You have just completed a long work day. You are tired and ready to go home, grab a beer out of the fridge and prop your feet up on the coffee table after plopping down on the sofa.  Ah, peace and quiet is only moments away!

You pull into the driveway, get out of the car, open the front door and round the corner toward the kitchen when suddenly you are met with a lot of people screaming, "Surprise!”  You nearly jump out of your skin!

Oh, did I forget to tell you? It’s your birthday.

Some people like surprises, others do not. And, for good reason, because often times the true element of surprise is found within the initial surprise.

For example, Cameron Diaz’s character in the movie Married in Vegas throws a surprise birthday party for her fiancé. However, when he walks in, the surprise is on her. He dumps her and breaks off the engagement right then and there in front of everyone. Ruh-Roh!

Surprises generally are meant for fun and good times. At least that’s what I would like to think. But how many times do we face the unexpected which literally “takes us by surprise” and sends us down a path towards negativity and/or negative consequences?

Surprise! You’re laid off!

Surprise! We are pregnant.

Surprise! I just rear ended you at the stop light and then took off!

Surprise! We’re sleeping together. You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow.

The element of surprise is usually unexpected, but I prefer to imagine it solely in good terms like when you receive a compliment or someone says something nice to you about how much they appreciate you. Although these types of surprises seem few and far between, I am still reminded of the powerful impact a pleasant surprise can have in lighting up our day and turning our frowns into smiles.

When you’re having “one of those days,” try using the imagination to create scenarios that don’t ordinarily happen, yet you can picture them happening and stimulate some internal laughter or lift your spirit and break the tension associated with those negative encounters. Please keep in mind these examples are imagination games. I’m not suggesting you actually act out on some of these.

Picture it.

• Without warning and for no apparent reason you walk up to a stranger and slap them. I’ve actually     pictured myself running up behind someone and slapping them on the hind-end and then running away. Just thinking about it and the possible reaction causes me to laugh. I would never do this off the cuff, but the idea shakes away any tension.  (Now tell me you never thought of that one!)
• Placing the old “Kick Me” sign on someone’s back and watching what happens.
• Imagining people in their underwear or even naked.
• Winning an award and receiving it in front of a crowd.
• Receiving compliments.
• Finding $20 in your pants after you’ve removed them from the dryer.
• Awarded a promotion and a raise.
• Someone delivers you an unexpected invitation (dinner, party, etc).
• A singing telegram arrives and it’s for you AND it turns into a Strip tease. 

There is commercial where a woman walks through the front door of her home and finds another woman in high heels and black lingerie tickling her husband with a feather boa in the middle of their living room. Surprise!

Her response; She called her attorney using a specialized phone app. I have to admit it made me laugh, but more importantly, I find it speaks on how we choose to respond to a situation: good, bad or ugly.

My personal thought focuses on expecting the unexpected and finding the wonder in that. It never hurts to feel special and be acknowledged. Everyone could use a spark of excitement in our lives by walking in on a good surprise.  However, when the surprise makes us feel less than ourselves and about 2 inches tall, then picturing how to turn the negative into a positive can be quite the healing step to take. In some cases, the element of surprise can serve as a means of learning or even survival by keeping us on our toes. Interestingly, another word similar in meaning is the word ‘revelation’.

In closing, I hope most true surprises are good ones, but if not, find a way to make it good.

And, in case you were wondering, the element of surprise is not found on the Periodic Table!

Are you surprised?

Cheers!

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Magic in Music!

Magic in Music!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Music is magical.

Music is its own universal language.

The beauty of music is in how it appeals to the masses providing a wide variety of genres to choose from while giving us entertainment, appealing to our emotional bloodstreams and taking us to new places right where we are. The wonder of music is in its poetry, creativity, human expression and its ability to touch a chord within our souls. It makes us feel good, happy, sad, and contemplative, especially in considering important topics. We love to move and groove to it on the dance floor to forget our troubles. Music is a strong positive not to be ignored.

In the middle of our chaos we can find comfort in turning on our favorite radio station and humming along; or, playing a CD! How can we not talk about the importance of music as a means of eliminating any negative bug-a-boos?

Just how important is music to humanity? Let’s take a moment to think about it, because I believe it plays an important role in our health and well being.

What about working out? How many people listen to energizing music to exercise? Choosing the right music can help you reach performance goals and illicit a satisfying workout in the end. ¹

In education, music can help with hand eye coordination and the ability to learn more in other subject categories improving test scores, enhancing IQ levels and in language development.²

Music has the power to heal, as well, especially if it has pro-social lyrics which help elevate an attitude of servitude and a sense of empathy.³

These are just a few examples of how music impacts lives in a dynamic and positive way.

For me, music brings in a message or builds up energy and a strong sense of self. It helps us express what we have a hard time saying or discover things about ourselves we have trouble putting a finger on.

I remember listening to music as a means of relaxing into sleep. I found calm selections that softly resonated within me which lulled me into la-la-land. Babies do the same when someone sings them a lullaby and rocks them back and forth. I used to call this (and still do) listening to my “sweet” music. It would help ease my active mind of rapid fire thoughts of this and that, instilling a sense of peacefulness and serenity.

Music inspires many positive objectives into fruition.

I guess one way to describe it is in how it mirrors our lives, our stories, our cultural backgrounds and histories. It builds meaning and provides sustenance, as well as substance into our daily lives.

Of course, there are genres that generally play on the negative, but the wonder of music as with anything else in life is that individually we have a choice and preference for what we like or don’t like. If you feel like you are listening to depressing music, change the station or turn it off. Find something more uplifting to play. Fill your ears, mind, heart, soul and spirit with more of the good.

In conclusion, music is a wondrous thing. It is powerful. For me, I always come back to music as a way to feel good or as a sign that I am feeling good. If I am humming or singing along, all is well within my soul. When I see how others respond to music of any kind, I can see clearly how it aides us in feeling good about our lives on a daily basis. It indeed is a universal language in a world gone global.

So go out there and get your groove on, listen to your chosen “sweet music” and sing a song!

And…feel good!

Cheers!

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/psychology-workout-music¹ (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

http://www.pbs.org/parents/education/music-arts/the-benefits-of-music-education² (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/brick-brick/201402/does-music-have-healing-powers³ (Viewed on 6/10/2015)

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Laugh It Off!

Laugh It Off!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

The sign read, “I’d rather be laughing.” My first and immediate reaction was how I couldn’t agree more.

Earlier this year I wrote about Yoga Laughter as a means of opening up to a positive environment. This week I want to expand on the idea of the importance of a little laughter in our lives. Can’t get enough of it! And, sometimes, it serves as a Godsend during a trying time. In fact, the last couple of days have put me in a place to deal with some emotional drama which decided to rear its ugly face. Things happen! When they do, I feel them. It’s only human to do so. I allow myself to feel those emotions and then I search for ways to release the negatives.

If I don’t find a way to release the negatives, then I can be bound by them in such a way as to not accomplish anything, which bugs me even more. I like knowing I am working toward a purpose and achieving some accomplishments. It’s also about self-preservation.

Needless-too-say, having an emotional day or two and working on finding solutions to a problem comes back to a little laughter. Even some of the best dramatic scenarios in movies are best played out by using humor to release tension so everyone can catch a breath.

I would like to share how I moved through the emotion to release the negatives. After being overcome by the situation, I experienced it, brought awareness into it and embraced it for what it was in the moment. Emotions come and go, so I can rely on getting beyond temporary soon enough. No need to wallow for too long, sit deeply into sadness or practice any “Whoa is me.”

I got off my hind-end and took a little drive to see the world around me without engaging in it. I spoke to a friend and confidant on the phone, which is always good. Then I got my silly on by dividing my beard in half and then again into two sets of three one on the left and one on the right. I proceeded to braid each side to see what it would look like. After I finished doing this, I looked in the mirror and burst out laughing. I was so amused by it that I took a selfie and posted in on social media calling it my Pippi-Beard-Stocking. Yes, I needed the laugh. And, it made a difference. Resilience is something that can be nurtured and this experience is an example of its progression.

So that’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Ultimately, this illustration of my personal story demonstrates how humor and/or laughter can enhance the positive and neutralizes the negative.¹ There are also many physical, emotional, cognitive and social benefits such as reducing pain, stress anxiety and depression while increasing creativity, memory and relaxation.¹ & ²

On that note, I recently watched a video documentary about some traditions in Varanasi, India.³ One early morning ritual was to get up, go out near the river and practice yoga, stretching and breathing exercises before the day officially began. At the end of the session the people would let out several deep guttural laughs at the sun, as if they were laughing in the face of the sun and at all potential adversity. I liked that. Made sense to me. 

In conclusion, I believe it’s great to laugh. I love hearing it; experiencing it and watching others do it, too. Let’s call it a positive phenomenon that needs no explanation, but does occasionally need some encouragement. Consider this a little reminder. Don’t forget to laugh a little.

And, don’t hesitate to pass it on!

Share a funny moment.

Tell a joke.

Shake it off by laughing it off.

Let the belly roll!

Check out the articles and video footnoted below for more information.

Cheers!

http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/topic/humor/benefits-humor¹ (Viewed 6/10/2015)

http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter²(Viewed 6/10/2015)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thz3c6vBaEY³(Viewed 6/21/2015)


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