Yes is Yours!

Yes is Yours!

© By Allen Merritt (2017)

Yes!

Yup!

Indubitably!

See where I am going with this? Last week we explored the word, “No.” This week I want to extrapolate more on the word, “Yes.” 

Oh, YES I do!

“Yes” is a word that sounds so good, doesn't it? You can say it over and over again, it still sounds good. Not only that, it feels good too. And who doesn’t want to feel good!

“Yes” is affirmative, positive and also serves as a mantra for which we can use all the time to build confidence, self-esteem and lift our spirits. It gives us permission and tells us it’s okay. Do you feel that when you hear the word “Yes”? I do!

So let’s talk about "YES", because I don’t think we can talk enough about it.

I believe “Yes” can work for us more than against us. Even in the face of hearing a “No” or experiencing a backlash of negativity, “Yes” aides and comforts us while looking for an amiable solution(s).  

If opposites attract, than “No” invites us to immediately consider the positive.  By doing so, we can consciously choose peace, joy, harmony, love, light and laughter for the whole of our being including our heart, mind, soul, body, spirit and senses. It also impacts the world around us which makes sense when considering the ripple effect or impact of kindness or contagious smiles and laughter. It all promotes the feel good theory for everyone.  

If you are constantly being told you can’t do this and you can’t do that, you start to wonder just what it is you can do and when you CAN do it. What happens if we accept and embrace the idea of possibility a little more? Is it possible we relax and allow and reap more benefits than harm? I would dare say the chances are in our favor more than against us. Again, this takes as much reasoning as considering all those “No’s” we spoke of last week. We cannot just automatically say “Yes” without considering outcomes and timing. There are benefits to both answers that weigh in on both sides of the issue. (I have included a couple of links below discussing these benefits for your perusal)¹&²

Overall, whether the answer truly is based on “No” or “Yes” is determined accordingly by the individual. Which is best? Only you can decide.

Naturally, I am focused on the positive, so in these discussions I am speaking specifically about the negative version of the word “No” versus the positive version of the word “Yes.” But one might reflect on either or. Considering both sides of the story must come into play. In any case, promoting the “Yes” helps us see more and mover closer to the goal, achievement and/or accomplishment any of us are seeking.

Ultimately, the best answers are always based on individual differences. But we cannot be afraid to (again) turn things around and stand on the positive principal. For me, this is reminding yourself from time to time it’s okay to say “Yes”.

Moving forward in life requires it. It gives us authority and opportunity. My thought is this: we can either sit around and let “No” talk us out of our dreams; sit there in our places and never move anywhere; or, we can take a chance and not let anyone tell us we can’t do it/something.

One final story that hits home with me on this topic is how my mother used to say the words, “You can’t…” to me. When she did that I would internalize it and get angry and endeavor to prove her wrong. Ultimately, I may not have been the best at a task, but I could prove to myself I was capable and able despite such comments.

In conclusion, think this week on both sides of the story. If “No serves up a “Yes” for you in some capacity, embrace it. However, if “No” is holding you back from trying to be the best person you can be and conflicts with your desire to achieve, then work on letting that negativity go and seek out positive outcomes instead; no matter what others might think or say. It’s not about them. It’s about you. It’s your life. Therefore it has to include YOU.

If for no other reason, say “Yes” to YOU more often or whenever appropriate.

Have a great week living life on a positive note.

Cheers!

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/the-many-benefits-saying-yes/(Viewed on 2/10/2017)¹

http://justbereal.co.uk/5-benefits-of-saying-no-more-often/(Viewed on 2/10/2017)²

Reverse the NO!

Reverse the NO!

© By Allen Merritt (2017)

What do you think of when you hear the words, "No, no, no!"

Do you stop what you're doing? Do you feel attacked? Do you feel uncertain? 

Let's spend a little time today focusing on the word "No." It’s an important word, which greatly impacts everything we do.

First Thing that comes to my mind are the terrible two's, remember those? 

Children of that age begin to gain more of their identity and not only learn how to say the word, but also the meaning of it. After all, by this age they've been told "No" many times as parents try to protect and teach them how to navigate through life. In this way the negative serves a positive purpose. However, as a result, children begin to use the word as an attention-getter and to make a statement of their wants, turning it around on the parents.

But as we get older, being told "No"  all the times feels like being slapped in the face and is experienced as rejection.  It takes on new meanings such as:

You can't (you’re incapable)
You're not wanted
You don't fit in
You’re not welcomed here

Personally, I have heard "No" so many times I could have made money off it. If I had a nickel for every time I heard it! (You know the saying.)

I remember hearing an interview with an individual where they shared a story on how they learned that "No" was not always the real answer nor should it be when one is trying to make their way in the world.  With that lesson they figured out that maybe the individual saying "No" is not the person to speak with nor do business with. When you think further on it, you realize other people have their own self-serving agenda. If the answer is “No” for them, it does not mean that your idea, your project or potentiality shouldn’t move forward. The possibilities are endless in this world, so look elsewhere for a better fit and better match.

That brings me to another childhood phase called run to mamma, run to papa. Kids learn how to get their way when they ask one parent for permission unsuccessfully and then run to the other parent and gain permission that way (at least until both parents catch on). 

There are many times the word “No” is ineffective and produces zero results. The question then becomes about what the meaning of the word "No" is in any given situation. How does a person move forward if they are constantly being given the boot or caught in a catch 22? Apparently, “No” is NOT always the answer; it’s just the one you are being given because someone decided it should be that way - right or wrong.

How and when does one turn the “No” into a “Yes”? One thing to remember is there are also benefits to the word "No". For example, saying "No"may be helpful toward staying healthy. No to overworking. No to unhealthy eating or any other unhealthy habit. These things should be considered and factored in as well. How does one discern appropriately? 

It seems to me we have to give ourselves permission to step forward and move away from any negative circumstances, which prevent us from growing and becoming. If "No' helps us, then by all means use it effectively. Otherwise, consider its opposite.

When is “Yes” the right answer and/or when is it the right time? Of course, each individual event will vary. I can dream of becoming a master magician, but I cannot honestly say “Yes” to that until I have sufficient training and experience. In other words, I become proficient at the sleight of hand. But I can work on it and eventually turn that “No” around and point it directly at that “Yes.” I guess my thought on this and the idea I desire to convey is this: Turn “No” around and you have the word “On”. If I ponder that for a bit I discover that instead of dwelling on the “No”, I am transforming it to being “On”. In other words, I need to get ON it instead of being enveloped by the NO. When I am ON it, then I can to turn those "No's" into “Yes’s”. 

That means getting and being ON it. Taking initiative and responsibility for a better outcome.

Get ON it! 

Work toward it – whatever it is you are interested in pursuing. Eventually you really can turn it around...YES, you can!

Here's to living another week on a positive note.

Cheers!

Who is There For You?!

Who is There For You?!

© By Allen Merritt (2017)

This week I found myself remembering a question that a date had asked me once many years ago. They simply asked, “Who is there for you?” I found myself taken aback which is the biggest part of the moment that I remember. I suppose the reason was that I wasn’t expecting it. I am not a hundred percent sure I remember the fullness of the conversation, but I would guess it followed a discussion about lacking support systems. Thus, the question, “Who is there for you?”

In promoting positive awareness, it is an important question to ponder and so I thought this would be as good a time as any to open the discussion.

Who is there for you in your life is a profound question. It forces us to consider who in our life really is there for us. It supposes other questions such as:

Do they support who I am?

Do they accept me as I am?

Do they support what I do?

These are just a few that come to mind. Beyond the idea that we have folks in our lives who love, care and support us like family and close friends, I think the question goes a step further when we consider what kinds of people we actually surround ourselves with. Sometimes we are in circumstances and/or environments such as work or public places where toxic people avail themselves and try to suck the life right out of us.

So the question about who is there for us also becomes about what kinds of people should be there for us and who should we be surrounding ourselves with. Heaven knows there are plenty of people who are either not good for us or are bad influences.

I ran across a great article illustrating a few types of people most of us would prefer not to be around. It is titled, “8 Types of Toxic People Who Poison Your Life.”¹ The article suggests people who are critical, negative, time wasters, jealous, indifferent, self-centered, irresponsible or habitually disappointing are ones to avoid. I think the word “Toxic” really makes an obvious statement toward the idea of eliminating the negative.

It’s a shame that some people need to be excluded from our lives, but as a matter of self preservation and for the betterment of everyone’s well being, it is imperative to do so.

Moreover, people who are vindictive, manipulative, controlling, or whining are attempting to garner attention for the sole purpose of building up their personal self esteem at the expense of everyone else. But here is the thing: we’re all in this boat together. Support systems are called support systems because they are there to encourage, nurture and promote positive well being and not the vice versa. When there are folks who are at a different place in the life and therefore take it all out on you, as they say, then the question really ought to be asked about whether or not this person is playing fair and are healthy for us. I guess it takes a conscious effort to weed out negativity when you see it happening. It also takes as much effort to look deeply into these relationships to be sure there is not something else going on that can be addressed so that healing happens. If we do not always know the full scope of what is going on with another person we may be discarding people needlessly from our day to day living. Therefore, getting to the root of the problem will begin the process of assessment on discovering who is truly there for you.

Seems obvious, but if we do not take a moment to think about it we can get drawn into the drama.

This week I want to challenge people to ask themselves the question of “Who is there for you?” If the answers do not come quickly to you or cause you to question further, then you may be on your way to a new discovery about the people surrounding you. Either way, I think it is something to consider from time to time, especially as we are always running into new people, making new friends and establishing new relationships. But are they really there for us is the question!

I hope the answer is a positive one.

Have a great week.

Cheers!

https://www.powerofpositivity.com/8-types-toxic-people-poison-life/ (Viewed on 1/21/2017)¹

Are You Happy?!

Are You Happy?!

© By Allen Merritt (2017)

This thought came to mind today: Are you happy?

Don’t ask me where it came from. Half the time things come to me out of nowhere or so it seems. Maybe that is the magic of creativity or part of the introspective process of awareness and spirituality. Most likely it is a bit of everything. When I have ideas and thoughts I usually refer to them as projectiles which fly out of me like a demon. They just appear. Anyway, it seems a reasonable question to come around and ask yourself from time to time. Living creatively and staying positive amidst life’s circus of events takes a great deal of effort and remains a constant challenge. Stopping for a moment and checking in with yourself seems appropriate.

I seem to remember my mother asking that question from time to time. I guess it was her way of assessing where people’s heads were at, where a relationship might be going and much more. When I think about it, it is not a question I hear very often. Not many people seem to be asking that question of themselves or of others. I guess that makes sense in a bizarre sort of way when you consider that most people do not really want to know how other people are (unless they are in the well-being/healthcare world).

In fact, as I think on it further, I remember having a conversation recently with someone (I think from the Philippines) about the cultural differences between East and West when it comes to asking someone how they are doing. In their culture it was expected that if you asked that question you were going to get the answer. It was assumed that you really wanted to know. However, in the West (our country at least) when you ask people questions like, “How are you?” or “How are you doing?” it is done so out of courteous expectation and not because people want to know. They usually do not want to hear it nor feel like they have time to waste on learning more about you in that way. Thus, the reply is often just as erroneous as the question. “Fine, thank you.” Any other response is shrugged off and the subject is changed. I would dare say that people think it is rude if you actually try to answer truthfully. “I ain’t got time for dat!”

In a society such as our which seems to prey on and profit from demeaning, belittling, ignoring and degrading others for the sake of self promotion and self indulgence, it makes sense to check in with ones self by asking every so often, “Are you happy?” In other words, "How are you doing?"

By doing so, you give yourself a chance to tune into your truth, your feelings, where you think you’re at in perspectives and more. The question helps keep us grounded and rooted in what really matters thus keeping the idea of positivity alive. Why? Because life is too short as everyone keeps reminding us.

So, if life is really that short even on days that drag on and make it seem so very long, then why not ask this one very important question? Why waste a moment on anything which fails to promote your personal well being and steals away your peace and joy? Find your happiness and pursue it as the constitution of this country says you can. Take time to make time to reflect on all that works in your best interest and how to remain steadfast in those arms while helping others do the same.

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

If you’re happy and you know it, then your life will surely show it.

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands.

Are you happy?

May your week be filled with as much happiness as you can muster. And I hope you like mustard!

Cheers!