Support Systems!

Support Systems!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

What is a support system?

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, a support system refers to a network of people who provide an individual with practical or emotional support.¹

Are support systems necessary and essential to human development?

I think so.

I remember going on a date in New York City one time when the conversation came around to discussing various aspects of relationships from friends to family and more. Having a sparse and distant family life I realized I didn’t have much to offer the conversation. It prompted my date to ask me, “Who is there for you then?” My mind froze at the thought of  “no one.”

I also remember an old commercial relaying the message, “Support Can Be Beautiful!”

In truthfulness, I think it was in reference to an advertised bra, but the message resonates on many levels when you think about it. When it’s available, support CAN be beautiful.

What kind of support systems do you have to be grateful for today?

I have spent much of my life fighting against the odds. I grew up an only child and often a lonely one, which helped my imagination run wild. Not an unusual story, really. Many saw me as common, below average or invisible with not much to offer. When this is thrown in your face year after year, it may seem like there is nothing left to do but accept and embrace that mentality as your own. However, with me, I continued to try, persist and persevere with my various interests and toward what I knew I was capable of.  

Defining and coming to terms with understanding the idea of support systems and their importance has been a lifetime adventure for me. I’m intrigued by both those that have an abundance of support and those who have zero support. There is no doubt having a great support system is valuable and productive to our psyche. They can generate positive energy. They provide a certain amount of care and love that help to nudge us forward when we try to achieve, feel low and need encouragement; promoting our best interests and simply being there, just in case. It begs the question, who is there for you? For many, I would dare say it is friends, family and/or extended family.  However, our ability to communicate has changed dramatically and the idea of a support system appears to have changed.

Support systems are few and far between and almost non-existent today thanks to technological advancements. I see people walking around mindlessly with head down and buried in their cell phone, tablet or laptops. It’s amazing to watch people walking down the street unaware of their surroundings to the point where they are crossing intersections without even looking up. I keep thinking those pedestrians are going to get hit by a car driven by a person sending a text message.

I know people who only have relationships in small sentences and emoticons. Conversation is all but non-existent, which means more and more people are avoiding each other and not getting to know one another. Friendships and relationships are becoming transient and unsatisfying.  What’s interesting about this is that it’s been progressing for years. And I thought being a shy, only and lonely child was odd. For me, it becomes difficult to maintain a relationship when the only contact I have is a text saying something like, “How’s it going?” I am befuddled about the idea of having friends I never see and can never speak to. Personally, I am better one on one than in large groups. However, there is nothing like getting together with family and friends and sharing in conversation, catching up, living, loving and laughing joyously along. It’s not quite the same in a text message.

I think there is fear of being a part of a support system these days. I believe it comes as a result of some individuals taking advantage of our emotional and physical time, as well as monetary resources. When people are out to only reap the benefits of “working the system”, so to speak, then it proves taxing on another part of the system. Those kinds of personalities move on to another system once one support system runs dry. Support systems are not and cannot operate as a one way street. To treat them that way leads only to a dead end cul-de-sac. Generally, speaking, one person is doing all the work.

In thinking about them, support systems are never about one singular entity. They involve an entire social network of individuals working together to achieve common results.  The bus cannot drive itself. It takes an engine, fuel, specific features and a driver. All work together to keep the bus moving in harmony.  There is a healthy give and take going on here.

At one time, groups held each other together for support and mere survival. Somewhere along the line becoming independent and self–sufficient became the norm. However, human beings are fragile and require certain needs to be met. Sometimes we all need friendships, confidants, helpers, encouragers and more to continue moving forward, growing and learning.

If anything, support systems help us feel like we are not alone or the only ones experiencing life as we know it. Ultimately, when we are older and unable to give back, we will need those support systems in place without expectations. Therein lies an exception to the rule, which gives me time to think about how to improve support systems now.

In closing, I find thinking about support systems in today’s world important to all our futures. Life is harder on your own. Having friends, family and good support only improves our quality of life.

Now, isn’t that something positive to think about?

Cheers!

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/support%20system¹ (Viewed on 7-7-2015)

http://www.loveisrespect.org/for-yourself/support-systems² (Viewed on 7-7-2015)

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No News is Good News!

No News is Good News!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

“Where shall the word be found, where will the word resound? Not here, there is not enough silence…”  T.S. Elliot

There are things happening in the world today which are disrupting our lives and are sitting prevalent in the forefront of our minds: race wars, terrorism, economic downfalls, geological disasters, corruption, health insurance, where is the next paycheck coming from and more. There is plenty of negative resounding in our little world(s).

In fact, negativity thrives in our newspapers, magazines and in the hands of sensationalized media and conspiracy theorists. Turn on the television and various radio stations and bad news is running 24/7. And people argue hatefully about it all the time, often in the name of ratings and good attention getting drama. These scare tactic news reporting techniques are being rubbed in our face non-stop. I think if you watch and/or listen to too many of these programs you begin to feel their disturbing effects deep within the psyche.

I’ve noticed how bad news has also made its way onto our basic newsfeeds and sidebars when you surf the internet.  I’ve even observed the sites sponsoring fear-oriented news feeds. In other words, there are people out there paying to distribute bad news. Kind of weird, no?

It’s also interesting how decision makers deem it important to include what I call “unworthy” news items such as how someone posted a “selfie” in their underwear or so-and-so wore a new kind of bikini.  I call these “No News” items. You know, the kind of thing that makes you wonder why someone thought it should be called “news” at all.

In thinking about these things, I’ve concluded the only way to avoid these bad news items and keep the negative forces from infiltrating our lives is to turn off the news. The old adage that no news is good news seems to apply here. Personally, I don’t have a desire to be subjected to a constant barrage of depressing events every minute of every day. It takes away from the joy of living life.

On the other hand, we cannot live our lives completely sheltered from it all. Some news is important for our awareness. Therefore, you take a little of the bad along with whatever you can find of the good for general information’s sake; but to sit and have it rehashed over and over again really isn’t necessary and generally detrimental to our well-being, in my opinion.

I am striving to live by the philosophy of how no news is good news and to turn it off.

I want to focus on the positive, as this blog attests to. I want some good news. I look for the good vibrations. I want to laugh and have some realistic fun. So even though I say no news is good news, there is one exception: No news is good news unless it’s good news; meaning, when news is good, then it is good news and all is good!

Now, I am not suggesting we live in a fantasy land of unawareness to all the happenings in the world today, but to reasonably reduce the amount of chaos in our lives has to be beneficial in some way. I want to make a conscious effort to tune in to the goodness in the world today.

I have my car radio set to a station that airs a specific morning program I have come to pay attention to. On this program is a segment that shares a little bit of the good news. It is called, “Tell Me Something Good.”  Every member of the radio programs team tells a story from the news that they believe focused on something good. It's a warm fuzzy moment to begin the day. The idea alone is worth its weight in gold.

I have also noticed that the Huffington Post has a online news feed that only shares good news items.  Check it out at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/good-news.  Now, this is a progressive news service that understands when enough is enough and endeavors to provide a healthy balance, or at least an alternative. That is pretty cool!

When you think about it, there really are many beautiful things going on in the world, but we are subjected to so much more of the negative then we are of the positive. That is why I started this blog, to make a conscious effort to rid myself of all those things I have no need for and/or those things that attempt to bring me down when all I want to do is soar. T.S. Elliot probably had it right when he said the following:

 

“Teach us to care and not to care. Teach us to sit still.”    T.S. Elliot

For me, I will adhere to the no news is good news unless it’s good news policy!

I like it better that way, don’t you?

Cheers!

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What Else Could This Be?

What Else Could This Be?

©Allen Merritt (2015)

Years ago I worked with several children’s theatre companies who conducted in classroom workshops following each performance. The kids loved this and were happy to see us up close and personal and receive individualized attention. It’s a humbling experience to see them get all excited to visit with you. Anyway, we would play games and encourage them to remember aspects of the show focusing on learning a message.

One little game we use to play was called “What else could this be?” I loved this game; because it challenged them to think independently, outside of the box, use their creativity and broaden imagination. Sometimes they would get stuck in a narrowed way of thinking and have trouble, but other times they would come up with some great answers proving that everything is important and serves more than one purpose. (I’ll never forget the little boy who took a towel and held it up to his groin showing how that could be his genitals.)

Personally, I think this is a perfect exercise for keeping things on a positive note. It is a great game to help anyone free up any road blocks, obstacles, hurdles and whatnot; anything that weighs us down and prevents us from moving forward.

Here is how What Else Can This Be? works.

Find a focal point or an object and challenge yourself to see it in a different light. Purposefully finding a new way to look at something can open up possibilities that will either attract you toward it in a new way or detract you away from and toward another varied direction. In other words, you find potentiality and/or solutions.

For example, let’s use a dish towel as our object. Ordinarily, a dish towel is seen for exactly that, a towel used in the kitchen while washing dishes. Its purpose is to help you hand dry a dish. Now, ask yourself the question, “What else could this be?” Imagine the possibilities of the dish towel. Think of this flimsy article of material as something other than what it is and/or what would it be if we did not see it specifically as a dish towel? What would your answers be? List them on a piece of paper. A dish towel could also be…what? It helps to physically demonstrate each answer to actualize the possibilities, especially if the exercise is acted out among a group of people. Here are some example ideas.

• A napkin
• A turban
• A loin cloth
• A neck tie
• A rope
• A basket
• A long flowing hair piece
• A bandanna
• A tourniquet
• A blind fold
• A lamp shade
• A scarf

How about that? That is a dozen possibilities out of one object. If we can take this exercise and utilize it as a lesson in problem solving for our own individual and unique circumstances, we could find many possibilities, ways around, out or away from a situation. There are many solutions. And, here’s the kicker, you feel better about yourself and find your way headed for accomplishment, achievement and positive feelings.

Another slightly varied idea is pretending you’re up against a brick wall. What are you going to do? Lean up against and let your body slide down it until you are sitting at its base waiting for something to happen while wallowing in self-pity and misery? Or, are you going to explore the options? What are the possibilities? Can you walk right through the wall? Can you walk around it? Can you dig underneath it? Are you strong enough to climb over it? Leap over it? Catapult over it? Can you take it down brick by brick? Can you knock a hole through it? Is there another route? Do you have a rope that you can throw over and then shimmy up the wall? Can you yell for help and see if someone is on the other side? Maybe there is a magic brick lever that opens a hidden door? How many more ideas are there when you begin to think about it? That wall suddenly is surmountable.

These exercises allow us to consider more than what seems to be the obvious. Maybe the obvious is a temporary illusion to what could be.

What is your brick wall today? What can you do to surpass it, learn from it and find a way beyond it? What can you discover to make the best and/or most of a negative situation until you can turn it around toward a confident solution?

Go ahead. Give it a try. When faced with a moment of adversity ask yourself, “What else could this be?” and see what magic unfolds!

Cheers!


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Little Things!

Little Things!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

It doesn’t take a lot to make me happy, but it does take something. And, I’m certain you’ve heard it before, it’s the little things that mean a lot. They can make a big different in the make or break issues of the day from customer service to working with colleagues, driving in traffic or dining at a restaurant. While there is more than one right way to do things, the messages rings out loud and clear to always be on the lookout for the best way to address a given situation. The possibilities are endless. Here are a couple of personal stories.

For several years, I headed up training in a customer service environment. One of my frequent teachings encouraged representatives to take themselves out of the driver’s seat long enough to reflect on the fact that as individuals they are customers, too. Everyone is. I lead them on a journey of individual personal experiences where they may have not received the best service or care. Once they see themselves reliving those incidents and remembering how they felt, the temptation to be in control of the customer diminishes and it becomes a show of empathy and care for the situation and, moreover, a willingness to help find a way to solve the dilemma on behalf of both the company and the customer. Looking back on it, I think it was just good business foresight to point this out. It takes away the “who’s in charge” issue and becomes a cooperative collaboration. In the end the options open up and better customer service is provided.

Now, from time to time I work at a health care training facility. I help trainees learn various aspects of what they need to know to work with patients. As a patient in this environment, I realize the importance of how small things improve the moment, as well as my comfort level and the potential quality of care. Here are few observations I find important to think about.

• Make eye contact
• Listen attentively
• Smile
• Be courteous
• Do not interrupt
• Be engaged/participate
• Ask all the right questions
• Paraphrase answers to demonstrate you heard correctly
• Explore options
• Show some care
• Be genuinely interested
• Give a nice comment
• Before leaving provide a light appropriate touch

When the healthcare providers entertain any of these ideals they discover more about the patient and their needs, as well as gain their full confidence and cooperation. They can come up with a better plan of action and accurately diagnosis the patients’ ailment. In the same way, this applies to everyday relationships that people encounter. I think even the slightest attempt to create a sense of care changes attitudes and averts problems.

Remember the book by Richard Carlson, PhD titled “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s All Small Stuff”? It speaks to not letting small things get the best of you or drive you bonkers. There is an incredible amount of truth to how we let various things get to us. It may seem big, but maybe it was never quite what you thought it was. My thinking on this focuses on how impressions and communications continue to play a role in what bothers us or how we manipulate others and cause heated encounters of various sorts. We escalate issues and blow things out of proportion and let small things turn in to big things. But here’s the thing: we can turn it around and create a positive understanding.

According to an article in Psychology Today, little things matter more than any grand gesture and this include small notable “gestures, actions or words.”¹

What are some things that help us feel better in everyday situations? Could it be a tiny note, a thank you, an apology, a hug, an “I understand” or “Congratulations, you deserve it!”? How about, “Let me see what I can do” or a simple, “How can I help?”?

I think the little things are mostly about thoughtfulness. Eliminate apathy and suddenly a whole new world opens up. Be on the lookout for those little bits that relieve tension, make you smile ever-so-slightly and warm your heart. You never know, it could help make someone’s day and in turn do the same for you. Talk about bringing about a positive influence, you can’t beat that!

In closing, I’d like to leave you with a classic song sung by Kitty Kallen called…you got it, “Little Things Mean a Lot.” It reiterates some of those little things mentioned herein. Enjoy!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2C7SzKv2uLU

Cheers!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-the-name-love/201112/little-things-mean-lot¹. (Viewed 6/21/2015)


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Enjoying the Day!

Enjoying the Day!

©Allen Merritt (2015)

A week ago I commuted to Los Angeles and just before getting on the entrance ramp to the freeway I noticed a woman wearing a backpack, walking with haste and purpose to the other side of the roadway. She appeared to be talking to herself. Correction: she was yelling and screaming. The light was red and all I could do was watch the event play out. I was captivated by this. I observed the woman walk up to some landscaped dirt mound and start kicking it. Then she spun around picked up a few rocks and threw it at the mound before facing my car and bending over in more fits of screaming. This person was not experiencing a joyful day. I will never know what was going on, but it caused me think about the reality of pursing happiness.

Every day a barrage of events come flying at us. It’s out of control sometimes, isn’t it? By the end of one day you are in a quandary as to how you are going to make it through the next, but when Friday comes (Whoo-hoo!) it’s party time! When party time turns into constant escapism, is that really a “good” time? You may look happy, joyful and full of life on the outside, but what is going on internally? Enjoying the day every day means discovering your own vitality and value in each moment despite what anyone else is saying or doing.

With that in mind, I want to talk about how to make a better day on purpose. I know people who live their lives in misery. They are negative, conspiracy theory oriented, with nothing good to say and as a result do not appear to be happy in their circumstance…ever. I believe that living a happy and healthy life is as much purposeful as it is by luck or chance. Other people contribute to that happiness, but do not necessarily make us happy. It’s a choice. When people talk about happiness, finding peace, being joyful, what are they really talking about and what does that mean in the face of adversity? Let’s break it down a bit.

Happiness: We live in a country that documents our freedom to pursue happiness. It does not guarantee it, but allows us the right. This means we have to choose it, work on it and create that happiness. We also need to be responsible in how we go about creating said happiness. When your happiness is at the expense of others, is that really happiness? If your happiness is destructive to you, your loved ones and others, is that truly happiness? When true happiness is discovered from within and illuminates outward, other people benefit, too. Happiness is contagious.

Peace: In my opinion, achieving a sense of peace results from working on remaining calm, cool and collected while also addressing realism balanced with acceptance and understanding. It is a conscious effort on our part to pave a pathway to contentment. When you are comfortable right where you are, you have a stronger sense of yourself and are more settled in the idea of being comfortable in your own skin. Peace lies in the actions for which you use to cultivate it.

Joy: When I think of joy I think of a combination of peace and happiness fully expressed outwardly in physicality such as smiling, laughing and slightly bubbling over with such qualities mentioned above. We feel radiant and glowing and illuminated. Just like the song says, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” Joy is an outward experience of your level of happiness and peace.

One of my favorite authors (Thich Nhat Hanh) writes often on these subjects and it’s clear that he understands and simply reveals how happiness, peace and joy are elements in our lives that we work on and constantly create. Not often are they provided to us on a silver platter. These little gems are cultivated within us. Maybe part of achieving them revolves around the idea of not taking everything too seriously and being mindful of all things. Another easier said than done philosophy, but the more effort we put into trying, the easier it gets. It takes practice. And Thich Nhat Hanh addresses this important fact within the first five minutes of his meditation entitled Awakening to Your Joy found on YouTube.¹ I highly recommend watching the video if you have time. It’s about 47 minutes long. Read his books to gain better insight to finding your happy, peaceful and joyful life.

Finally, while there is so much more to say on the subject, when you incorporate happiness, peacefulness and joyfulness as part of a total equation the solution sums up these elements to form many wonders of life. These are available to us right here and now (the present moment), which is the only thing we can ever be sure of.

Here’s a final question. Would you rather find a little enjoyment now or wait until you think you’ve found a reason for it?

My answer?

Enjoy the day now. Why wait?

Cheers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0FWFp3WmZY¹ (Viewed 6/21/2015)


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